Divorce and Division of Assets

Divorce and Considerations

Stephen Le

Divorce is not an easy thing for most couples facing with choices.  Divorce! This decision not only affects both of them but also their children and family. In order to have no regret after the divorce, do not rush to decide anything in the heat of the moment.  Because that decision will probably make you regret for the rest of your life. If you are still wondering? Our article will help you look at your problem again.

A. When should you consider a divorce?

If you are thinking about ending your marriage, you need to consciously consider the following issues first:

When your married life is too suffocating and tiring

It is undeniable that married life comes with many worries about food, money, responsibility for children, family, etc. However, you will also get your joy back from family meals, feel husband and wife’s love through loving words and caring actions. When the two of you have enough love and sharing, the problems in life will not become something to worry about.

If your married life is just boring and suffocating, you should think about a divorce decision. We only get married when we believe that our future life will be better, that we will have companions and share all the problems in life together.

True marriage never causes tiredness and suffocation.  If you feel tired all the time, your marriage is really in trouble.  If the relationship does not improve, divorce is sometimes the best solution.  This is true because you can’t waste your life on a marriage that only brings pain, fatigue and frustration.

When both of you have no love and affection for each other

When love is over, both will feel cold, bored and want to end their current relationship. However, instead of frankly saying goodbye, they use actions and words to make other feel hurt and accept to let go first.  Every action and word from the other makes one feel uncomfortable. They no longer talk or confide with each other, no longer care about each other’s private affairs, even the smallest or most important things.

When husband and wife no longer look in the same direction

In fact, no couple is a perfect match. They will have similarities and differences.  Difference in marriage is not always bad. On the contrary, it can be what attracts each other and helps both of you support each other in life.

However, if the difference is so great that it leads to a long-lasting conflict, you should consider a divorce decision. Basically, it is almost impossible to reconcile two people with two completely different lifestyles, perspectives, and future orientations.

In addition, the difference in financial management ability and future orientations is also very difficult to reconcile. This is why couples should review carefully before deciding to get married.  If you’ve tried to reconcile but can’t get along, you should consider getting a divorce so you both have a better chance of finding someone that’s right for you.

When husband or wife has an affair

It can be seen that marriage comes from love from both sides. Both have feelings and love, want to live together, and decide to become a couple. However, when one party no longer has feelings for the other, giving love to the other, it is very difficult to try to hold on or endure to live in harmony. Because the wound in the heart has formed and it is very difficult to heal. On the other hand, when having an affair, husband and wife have also lost their affection for and are unfaithful to the other. So, this is a sign that you should get divorced.

When one party regularly conducts domestic violence

Sometimes in married life, there are times when things do not go well, instead of solving it together, husband uses force to cause both physical and mental injuries to wife. Violence is not a problem one day but not the other, but it has happened frequently at a more dangerous level.  So what are you waiting for facing such an abusive husband? This is a sign that you should get divorced.

When marriage affects the development of children

Many couples patiently keep their marriage because they want their children to have both fathers and mothers.  However, are children really happy when their parents are constantly arguing, contradicting and even violently acting?  In the event that the two appear to be at odds but still remain civilized, you can wait a while for your child to get over sensitive stages such as puberty, preparing for important exams, etc.

However, if the other is an abuser, often insults you and your children, or even engages in destructive, violent behavior, a divorce decision should be made as soon as possible.  Because an unsafe environment will affect the development of children. Although there are enough parents, stressful family air also makes it difficult for children to develop healthily.

Studies show that children living in violent families often have low self-esteem, are impatient, and have an inability to control their emotions.  When children find their family unhappy, they may also develop hostile and destructive behavior.  Therefore, you should get divorced so that your children can be raised in a healthy and safe environment.

Divorce is really a shock to children. Therefore, you should prepare your child psychologically in advance to avoid trauma and mental breakdown. If the child is in puberty, it is advisable to seek the support of a psychologist.

The other has depleted common property and shows no signs of stopping.

You should also think about getting divorced if your spouse is depleting your family’s finances and shows no signs of stopping.  In fact, many people face debt and property depletion due to wasteful spending and investment by their spouses.

Some people ask their spouses to provide money to do business, but because of lack of experience, they constantly fail. If your spouse has not changed and continues spending money mindlessly, you should decide to divorce.  Because finance is an important factor to build up a warm, happy family and ensure that children are raised in the best manner.

If your spouse is constantly depleting your finances, you could be involved in huge debts. Therefore, it is advisable to end the relationship decisively to avoid long-term consequences.  In addition, when your spouse shows signs of dissipating assets, you should strictly manage important documents to keep assets for your children.

When the two parties no longer respect each other

In married life, love is never enough to maintain a relationship. Without respect and understanding, husband and wife relationship will arise many conflicts, and family life becomes suffocating and tiring.

Respect is essential in relationships. Love or not, couples should still respect each other because this is the basic principle.

If your spouse constantly uses heavy, harsh words to demean and humiliate you, please be strong and end the relationship decisively. Heavy and harsh words are the “knife” that kills marriage. If you do not overcome it strongly, you yourself will have to live in a persistent tired and under heavy mood.

B. Questions you need to answer yourself before deciding to divorce

Marriage will be stopped by divorce proceedings, but its consequences will last forever, even for the rest of the life of both parties.  So do not immediately think of a solution to break up when you feel that your marriage is unhappy. Ask yourself and discuss with your spouse the following questions:

What pushed you to decide to divorce?

This is a very difficult question to answer objectively. Have you and your spouse gradually become distant and no longer have the same connection as before?  Or have you and your wife had any disagreements and conflicts that were not resolved in a reasonable way?  Or is your spouse or you yourself avoiding, neglecting to contact and communicate with the other?

So, take a time when you are calm and alert enough to think, work out specific points, recall the events that happened, and clarify how you feel about each. The burden of deciding to get divorced can be enormous, so it’s even more important to make sure you understand the reasons.

Moreover, you need to consider your part of the blame for the sad outcome. If so, you have to fix and change yourself, don’t carry over this “burden” onto your future relationship.

Do you have any fault with your current marriage state?

There is an old saying, “Let him who is without sin cast the first stone”, always think about your own shortcomings before condemning, criticizing, or blaming someone. Always look at two-way issue to see that everyone has faults, it doesn’t matter who is wrong once you have to face the decision to stop your marriage.

Life is full of complications that only the two of you can understand. But the love of husband and wife and love for children can also make you hesitate to choose, so consider your decision carefully.

Have you really fallen out of love with your spouse?

Are you really out of love? A lot of people rushed to the  divorce  decision under the state of anger.  At this point, they let their emotions control their reason.  Therefore, you should seriously reconsider your love story, think about the past conflicts.  Let’s see if there is another way to resolve the conflict between you and your spouse.  Life is full of complications that only the two of you can understand. But the love of husband and wife and love for children can also make you hesitate to choose, so consider your decision carefully.

Will your life be better after divorce?

Many people believe that getting divorced is to find a better life.  But think about it, every time you come home, you face yourself in the cold house and feel more alone than ever.  Even, it will take a long time to see your beloved child again.  That is probably the truth that no one wants to accept.  So to avoid that, think and answer it, will your life be really better after divorce?  If you can’t find the answer, it’s best to be content with your life right now and make it better.

Divorce will change your daily life dramatically.  Therefore, if you intend to divorce, you should have a plan for life, work and even finance for the future.

Which solutions help children not to be affected?

Children will certainly be affected by the separation of their parents. More or less, it depends on circumstances.  Your children will never tell you how they feel, but they are the ones who suffer the most.  They will spend their days growing up in the absence of a parent’s love.  And the imbalance in the psychological development process is inevitable.  Many people agonize over and think about their children a lot when deciding to divorce.  Their children are the outcome, the witness and also the ones to suffer the consequences and enforce this divorce judgment of their parents.

Either way, children whose parents are divorced often face emotional crises, which will negatively affect their psychological state with friends and with themselves when their families are unhappy.

Divorce is unexpected by anyone, but it is inevitable under many situations and cases.  Therefore, in order not to have to “divorce“, each couple, when in love and coming together, must be very careful, serious and think carefully about their own marriage purpose before making a decision.  If you have to divorce, think about your children, think about the pain of the children first, then think and decide for yourself.

These are some considerations that you should make before making a divorce decision.  Please contact us for more detailed instructions: letran@familylawyers.vn .

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