Most leaders do not set out to become people-pleasers. They want to be fair and approachable, they want their teams to feel heard and respected, and they want decisions to feel collaborative.
I would say this is especially true in this day and age. Millennials are, after all, the generation that popularised “gentle parenting” which has now unveiled its own set of flaws and limitations.
The people-pleasing trap
The desire to keep tension out of the room is not inherently wrong, and I understand the intent behind it. But problems arise when the desire to maintain harmony at all costs becomes numero uno,the ultimate goal and priority. We simply cannot divorce tension and discomfort from good leadership. There is no such thing.
Steve Jobs and Elon Musk would agree
Many visionary leaders who changed the world are not known for making everyone happy. They are known for their conviction and willingness to challenge norms.
Look at Steve Jobs. He was famously demanding and often difficult to work with, yet his insistence on excellence pushed teams to create products that transformed entire industries and our daily lives. His vision outweighed his desire to be liked.
Disappoint people with good decisions is not necessarily a bad thing
At some point, every leader faces moments where the right decision will disappoint someone. A project needs to be stopped even though significant effort has already been invested. A high performer needs honest feedback about behaviour. A new direction needs to be taken before everyone feels ready.
Failing to act decisively in these situations often leads to problems compounding over time, creating outcomes that are far more painful and significantly harder to reverse.
Worse yet, when leaders worry excessively about how decisions will be received, the organisation begins to operate under a sense of false peace. People quickly pick up on hesitation and uncertainty, and start second-guessing priorities. Work continues, but with underlying anxiety. Ironically, trying to keep everyone comfortable often creates even greater discomfort over time.
We can all acknowledge that leadership is often difficult and certainly not for the faint-hearted. It can also be deeply lonely.
Intelligence in the age of AI according to Jensen Huang
Interestingly, when asked about the definition of “smart” in the age of AI, NVIDIA CEO Jensen Huang suggested that, unlike traditional notions of intelligence centred on problem-solving and technical ability, his definition of “smart” describes those who can see around corners and sense the “unknowables”.
He was referring to the ability to pre-empt challenges and anticipate what is coming before it becomes obvious.
Seeing possibility before proof
Smart, visionary leaders are expected to see further ahead and act on conviction. They see possibility before others see proof. This means that many important decisions will only make sense to others in hindsight. As leaders, we must therefore be willing to hold conviction even when consensus has not yet caught up and even when the pressure of resistance is on.
The world needs more courageous, strong, and visionary leaders
People-pleasing on the other hand, may feel kind in the short term, but will; always come back to bite you. The most constructive step a leader can take is to make the difficult call early, communicate honestly, and allow the organisation to move forward with clarity.
Not every decision will be immediately understood, not every choice will make everyone happy. But leadership requires the willingness to do what is right, trusting that, in time, this will earn the confidence of those who matter most.
Sincerely,
